Girl, Set Yourself Free
Yesterday, I called my grandmother to wish her a happy 80th birthday, and it turned into a long, funny discussion while I wandered aimlessly around Publix in search of dinner. As always, it involved my grandparents asking if there was "anyone special" in my life. I told them there are many very special people in my life.Finally, I told them that no, there wasn't anyone "special" in the way they meant it.
They told me that every day, they pray that God would continue preparing that special someone for me. They also reminded me about Great Aunt Bertha who "made a life for herself" as a world traveler and missionary yet was never married and was perfectly happy.
Later in the conversation, after Grandma told me about meeting John Dillinger when she was a young Amish girl in Indiana, I lectured Grandpa for letting Grandma fix her own birthday dinner."Ach, well, that's alright by me. I'm just happy to have a husband to cook for," she responded.
I came back with, "Yes, Grandma, thanks for rubbing it in my face that I'm still single." We laughed.
Then, today, I was sent this article from The New York Times. Apparently, 51% of women are now living without spouses. I have mixed feelings, and I'd love to know your response.
On one hand, it's encouraging to consider one day living in a culture where people aren't made to feel like they are undesirable or defective because they're single.
On the other hand, I'm a little concerned that, for some, being single is considered to be so much more liberating that marriage ends up with a really bad rap. I don't know what it's like to be married, and maybe that's natural, but I have to hope that it isn't. Marriage isn't a magical solution for any kind of loneliness nor is it a requirement for adulthood (that's why we have health insurance, taxes, and mortgages - and I've got two out of three)...but now I'm especially curious about the ways we've perhaps built up a mythology of marriage that leaves so many people empty and lost? And I have to think that marriage isn't the only culprit in this little identity-theft (or voluntary-surrendering) scheme; what about careers or other overwhelming responsibilities?
I'm sure that a good marriage teaches you to be more selfless, and this article seems to outline certain selfish pleasures that these women especially enjoy...is selfishness a prerequisite for our understanding of pleasure, then? No, that just cannot be right. Have we confused basic self-care (education, exercise, good food) with selfishness??
I especially like the last line of the article.
“Once you go through something you think will kill you and it doesn’t,”
she said, “every day is like a present.”
she said, “every day is like a present.”
Que Verdad.
(This is on the heels of watching The Last Kiss last night. I was sobbing and disillusioned for 4/5 of the movie. The last few scenes almost saved the movie for me, but they just made Mims mad.)
I'm sick of thinking about the marriage stuff for now, so this will be my last post on that matter. Just got inspired. Yesterday, I spent five hours straight working on my thesis. Tonight, I'll finally make it to the gym.
Life's good. I got no complaints.*
*Except for the frustrating people of the world - but we won't talk about that on here.
posted by tara @ 1:00 PM
1 Comments:
I am very happy that 51% of women are living without spouses. First of all, just because you don't have a spouse doesnt mean you can't have a meaningful and/or entertaining/enjoyable relationship with a man in your life, if that is what you want. Why do we feel the need to marry, anyway? I see marriage as important in a society where women are nothing more than property and need the security of a commited marriage relationship in order to survive. In those days, women HAD to have a provider and in turn, they cared for the house and family as their part of the arrangement. Today, we do not need providers. We can fend for ourselves. I like the Goldie Hawn and Kurt Russell version of love and family. They liked each other. they started a relationship. they never married. There was no contrived social institution to keep them together. But, they both WANTED to stay together and they've been living together for like 15+ years now. I like that. I like the idea that someone stays because they want to not because they have to. And, if one wants to leave, they can. There is never the promise of forver, as in a marriage, which is half the time a bald faced lie, considering. I also think this is a good trend because ppl arent getting married so early. Live your life, be free, be single, focus on you. Then, in your 40's settle down and get married. Chances are you will still be with that person for a good 20+ years! I say viva the modern, single woman! As soon as society excepts her, she will hopefully have an easier time accepting herself.
also, about the last kiss - I liked the depressing part. It was real and it was honest. Cutsie romantic comedies contribute to the idealized version of marriage that causes so many people to be miserable once they get married and realize it isnt going to be like the movies. The last kiss showed it like it is. And then - BAM - it ruined it at the end by letting little boys who think with their naughty bits get away with whatever they want. Boys will be boys, afterall! Boo!!!!! If men want to behave like selfish little boys, then guess what - 51% of american women can get along just fine without them.
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